i'm bleeding from the head, or i was. and it's now a dull pain but it's still more real, more physical than anything else i've ever felt. and his voice is in the background, still there no matter how many times i say "go". I've said it before, a fact he denies, i've never meant it before, something i just realised. i've wanted to. somehow the bloodied bathtube made it real. I miss you so, I hate myself for the hurt. 

I want out of this city, because he is physically everywhere no matter what i do. I can't get out of this city because of him and you. 

first loves never fade... their endings just seem more and more ideal. 

wishing for a bottle of vodka from your freezer.